Rebuilding trust in a broken marriage
Placing blame in marriage is like saying, Your side of the boat is sinking.
- Do not allow yourself to be rushed. Time heals all wounds. Especially in marriage. In more than one cases the betrayal did not just happen overnight, certain things lead up to the betrayal. Disappeared affection, romance, communication. Just like falling out does not happen overnight neither does repairment. Your image of the person has been altered because of the betrayal, you must allow yourself to form a new image of that person and take your time in healing so you don’t hold on to resentment or feeling manipulated.
- Communicate and explore hard topics. This one can be an ongoing discussion once the betrayal has been discovered. It may be a very difficult discussion to have so practice finding a good stopping point to avoid an argument. Discuss what led to the betrayal. Understanding your partner’s feelings during that time is crucial to getting to the base of the betrayal. You cannot expect to heal and repair the relationship if you do not understand what caused the betrayal and pain.
- Do not withhold your feelings. Bottling up emotions is not a healthy way to cope with feelings. You must find a healthy and safe way to communicate your fears, emotions, and questions. You both must be comfortable sharing your feelings so avoid feeling resentment and anger. Not to mention, how is your partner to know how to fix a problem if it is never communicated.
- Realize things will never be the same. Although this is hard, it is true. The relationship you knew is no longer. However, another once can be reborn from it. Broken trust is hard to overcome and although you may be forgiven or forgive you will not forget. As much as we want to move on its easier said then done. We must be aware of our actions and hope for the highest good and accept the new normal.
- Forgiveness. Another thing that is easier said than done. It takes time, it takes courage, and it takes practice. We do not forgive others for them; we forgive them for ourselves. We need to forgive them in order to truly move on. We will not forget the betrayal, but we must accept it happened and do our best to heal. If your spouse has proven to be untrustworthy, they will need to prove to you that they can be trusted, and that they have changed. We must forgive so we do not hold on to the pain that causes us to act out of anger in the future.
We must remember the reasons we fell in love and married in the first place, we married for our lives, not just to when it stopped benefiting us. Although we did not break the trust, we must be able to forgive so that we can have true peace and learn to trust again. It will not be easy nor fast, but worth it in the end.
This week try: Closing your eyes and mediating for 5 minutes a day
